HELP ME?!

  Owk. dah lamer ak xpost paper kat blog ak ni. memandangkan ak skang ni ngah tunggu result towk certificate PCN ak, ak aderla maser ckit nak post kat blog ni.

  So, banyak yang ak nak cter kat dlm ni sebenarnyer tapi post kali ni ak nak focuskan kat sowang j. she's my everything, DZURINA ZULKAFREE. i know i've been a jerk since i start working, since we left Pulau Pinang. i treat u like a jerk, i don't even smile when i'm with u, i don't even laugh anymore. i've realized those. but although i realized it, i can't do anything. it's like i've lost my sense of humour. i never felt happy anymore. even with my family, i just fake my smile, my laughter. i don't know what's wrong with me. i lost it. i lost my sweet, cheerful and funny personality in me. i can't even smile ang laugh anymore. i feel angry, sad, stress, depress, and angry all the time.

  I'm sorry ween. i, myself don't even recognize this new Na'imullah Sabiq anymore. i cant feel happy or joy in this new me. i feel like something inside of me has the control ofme. it's like something nasty is in me. i wanted ur help but my ego is just too high for me to ask for ur help. i dont even know why.

  
  these pictures? yeah, i miss those days. u think i dont even miss these days when i'll always treat u like a princess? when i used to be so excited when we about to go for a date? when i used to be happy and always smile when im with u? i love it. heck even im enjoying it. but i dont know why i cant even do that nowdays.

  its like i dont know how to smile and be happy anymore. its not happening when im just with u it, it even happens when im with my family, my best friend, Bohjan. if u dont believe me, just ask him. i dont even talk to him that much when i used to talk to him before. i just sitting there with him, hearing what he has to say and just keep quite. ask him if u dont believe me.

  so please dont be mad at me, yelling at me for who i am now. please help me instead. i really need ur help to bring the happiness and joyness in me again.

  and i want to admit to u about something. remember when i used to be a player? back then, i feel really happy when i talk to other girls. so, i tried to do that and u know what happened? i didn't even enjoy it. it feels like i dont want to do it but i tried because i thought that it would make me happy and i was wrong. u realized that im no longer text or call other women right. i didnt even scared if u check my phone whenever u like right? i'll just be mad at u coz u cant even trust me.

  i dont know whats happening to me anymore ween. i cant even recognize myself anymore. it's like i cant feel happy and excited even what i do nowdays.

SO PLEASE HELP ME!!

JERK!!

 arini ak mmg nak maki puas2. sumpah ak ckp, ak mmg xpuas ati gler babi ngan mamat 2 ekor kat tempat kjer ak 2. to be more specific, their name are firdaus bin zainal abidin(mat) and syafiq(black). kalo kowg terbaca blog ni kowg pepandai r ubah sikap kowg 2. kalo x, meh cni bia ak yang ubah.

 ikutkan ati ak, nak j ak pcahkan mker dowg 2. nak taw naper ak raser cam2? meh ak cter. ak bawu j msuk kjer at klang ni, amek bidang NDT. mler2 2 owk la bab sumer owg owk j ngan ak. walopown dowg sumer g tua dari ak. tapi tadi mser ak kat tmpt kjer, ak tgkla movie. xd kjer. ak pown layan la movie. bosan la katakan. pas2 tetber j dtg bdk dua ekor ni kaco ak tgk movie. forward2 kan movie 2. ak snyap j bab hormat la kan. dowg kan lagi tua dari ak. tapi yang melampaunyer dowang twos tutup movie 2. pergh. maner xpanas ak. ikutkan ati ak, nak j ak ltupkan mker dua2 ekor 2 mser 2. tapi ak sabar jla. kang xpsl2 ak kner buang kjer lak an.

 kalo kowg nak tau, ak pantang dibuli. mmg pantang. ak pling benci kalo kner buli n dibuli. bab dlu mser ak form 1 sampai form 3, ak kner buli. bab 2 ak pantang gler. kalo kowg nak taw, ak ble j nak ltupkan mker dua2 ekor kat c2 gak. kner buang kjer pown bkn ak kisah. ble j ak crik kjer laen. tapi pk kan pakcik ak yang tolong ak dptkan kjer at c2, mls la ak nak wat hal. sian lak pakcik ak t. malu dyer t. dah la dyer share holder at syarikat yang ak kjer 2.

 ak pown dah xtawla nak ckp p g. smpi skang ak still ngah pns ngan mamat2 dua ekor 2. towk pengetahuan kowg, yang firdaus(mat) 2 bawu gakla bli kter. kter BMW. n juju ak ckp, blek j kjer tadi ak crik kter dyer. hajat d hati nak j bakar kter dyer 2. tapi cam melampau j. so ak nekad nak pancitkan tayar dyer j. tapi bler igt2 blek, ak bkn taw kter dyer yang mner. so, terbatal la hajat ak. tapi xp daus, jgn smpi ak jmper kter ko j. mmg ak bkr twos kter ko kalo ak jmper at lua.

Umrah

oh yeah. almost forgot. ak xtunjuk pown gambar ak g umrah kan.

So here they are

airport Jeddah

bukit magnet Madinah

bawu8 pas bercukur

kat Madinah

Jabal Uhud

Jabal Uhud lagi

Making Effort?

ONE DAY IF U NEED ME

THERE ARE "100" STEPS BETWEEN US

U GET THE FIRST STEP TOWARDS ME

I WILL TAKE ALL THE "99" STEPS TO BE THERE 4 U

what is LOVE ?

  What is LOVE? ween, love only makes us happy when we trust each other. that's what LOVE truly means. don't get me wrong, but u don't trust me in our relationship. u're too jealous of the other girlz. i'm not saying having the jealous feeling thing is a bad thing but u must control it. it's not that bb gonna love somebody else. can't u trust me? everyday, i mean everyday i really hope that u can trust me juz once. i know i made some mistake back then. i mean mistakeS. but can't u give me another chance? i know, i've been a total jerk back then but it's all in the past. i've changed. it's true that time will make u forget me but time will make me love u more than before. can u give me another chance? besar sgt k dosa bb sampai ween xle nak maapkan bb? it's true, i'm not perfect like ur dream boyfriend would be but i can try my best n i'm doing it right now. there could never be someone who could take the place i saved for u in my heart, and even if time will bring someone new, i'll refuse to have it coz the memories i had with u will always be the sweetest.

  U doesn't even call me yesterday n i'm really sad bout it. can't believe that u would have the heart to do that to me. but i don't care anymore. i love u. plz call me as soon you read this. i really miss u. maybe ur wondering why u have to call me. it's not that i don't wanna call u. it's juz that u knw i have problems with my finances. i don't have any money to topup. i'm really sorry sweetheart. i know. u think love hurts right? but can u forget who hurt u yesterday and think who's loving u tenderly today?

  If i could have just 1 wish, i woul wish to wake up everyday to the sound of ur breath on my neck, the warmth of ur lips on my cheek, the touch of ur fingers on my skin, n the feel of ur heart beating with mine. knowing that, i could never find that feeling with anyone other than u. if i could give u 1 thing in life, i would give u the ability to see urself through my eyes. only then would u realise how special u r to me.

HOW CAN I FORGET U WHEN U R ALWAYS ON MY MIND?

HOW CAN I NOT WANT U WHEN U R ALL I WANT INSIDE?

HOW CAN I LET U GO WHEN I CAN'T SEE US APART?

HOW CAN I NOT LOVE U WHEN U CONTROL MY HEART?

P/S : if u think i miss u all the time u r wrong. i miss u only when i think about u but damn it, i think of u all the time. i miss u sweetheart

here's some tips i wanna give to u : close ur eyes, relax ur body, and stop ur breathing as long as u can...now breath...i miss u as much as u missed the air.

Luahan Hatiku. . . I GUESS? ? ?

  

  Wow.. it's been like forever for me to post on this blog. bkn psl p, juz i really not into these kind of stuff. u know, bender yang slalu ak aggp 'remeh temeh'. anyway. i post this coz i juz want to knock the senses out of my girlfriend's head. she's acting real weird lately. and when i say weird, u don't wanna know how bad it really were.

  Well. she's really pushing me to my limits these days. okay, let me start with when i started to work at puchong. mser ak kjer at saner, she seem real happy coz ak dowk dekat ngan dyer. dyer dowk at shah alam seksyen 13 while im staying at the company's house at puchong. it only took me about 15 to 20 minutes for me to go to her house. every weekend i'll send my time with her. go to her house and took her out. i mean EVERY WEEKENDS. she seems real happy that i have time to be with her. pompuan. tawla dowg camner. they need our (boys) attention. tapi sumer 2 langsung xjdi mslh at ak. coz it seeing her every weekends makes my day. juz by seeing her face, her smile, hearing her laughter surely makes my day better.

  But surely this is not a fairytale where all the story will end up happily ever after. we're talking about real life here and in real life i don't believe in happy ending. ak kner tukar tempat tinggal. bos ak suh ak kjer at port klang. n surely i have to move to the company's house at port klang. and kjer at saner xder cuti. tiap2 ari kjer2. blek lmbt. so, i have no time for my girlfriend. tapi 2 sumer xbermakna ak lper at dyer. so i work there for about two months. and honestly, that two months, ak jmper dyer cmer 2 atau 3 kali j. but she's owk with it. she understands me. she understand what i'm going through.

  After those few months working my ass working at port klang, i quit the job. ak g mekah towk wat umrah. n kat saner ak langsung xle nak cntct dzurina (my girlfriend). however, she still understands me n she's not mad at all for that whole two weeks while i'm at mekah. i can't even SMS her for the whole two weeks and shes not even mad. blek j dari mekah, ak twos cntct dyer cam beser. she's happy when i came back from mekah. kinda. lpas blek dari mekah 2 ak ader gakla jmper dyer bebaper kali. bab lamer kowt x jmper n cntct dyer. so ak pown g jmper dyer. lepaskan windu memasing n bla bla bla. (sorry. no details provided).

  And this is where the happy ending becomes bullshit, full of crap. ak ader mslh ckit ngan family ak these past two weeks i guess. so ak dowk umah nenek ak. juz to clear my mind. kowang taw2la, kalo kowang ader problem ngan fam kowang, it's gonna give you a real headache. yla. mslh bkn kecik tapi besar kan. so ak kurang layan dzu dalam dua minggu ni. i'm a real loser when it comes to control my anger. i didn't wanna realease my anger to my girlfriend so ak amek kputusan towk kurangkan cntct ngan dyer. maybe u guys would say 'come on man, share with her bout ur problems. don't abandon her like she's nothing to you' right? ak nak gtaw something and this is especially for my girlfriend. i sucks when sharing my problems to anybody. bkn xnak tapi ak juz xsleser bler owg len msuk campur mslh ak. ader mslh ak ble share and ader mslh ak xnak share. and this family problem thing is one of it.

  So she's pissed with me coz i don't share my problems with her. not only that, i abandon her. bb bkn xnak layan ween. it's juz that u of all people should understand how i roll. ween knal bb dah stahun lbey. u should know why i acted that  way. i spend my days watching movies in my laptop juz to forget about my problems. kalo kowg nak taw, yes, i like to run away from problems by doing stupid things juz so that i can forget about them. dah cara 2 j yang le wat ak sleser so suck it up. bb harap ween paham why i treated you that way.

   Coz one thing 4 sure, i'll always love u with all my heart. i'd rather die than to spend my life alone not having u by my side. u should believe that IF U REALLY LOVE ME. and for sure i know u do. right? correct me if i'm wrong.

  Ni bb nak jujur. ur jealousy really pissing me off. u're too afraid that i might love somebody else that deep down in ur heart u know i wouldn't. so what's the point having those jealous crap thing? u said u doesn't even have a friend coz ween x bersosial lagi. but at least u have Taty, Nina, Syaza and ur sisters, adik n nana. but do u even care who i have? i only have my bestfriend by my side and that's Bohjan or so called Ezee. he's the onl;y friend i've got. ween igt ween j yang xbersosial lagi? u really don't know my situations coz i never told u. u wanna know why i never told u about that? it's coz that i done it for u. coz i really love u with all my heart and soul. bb xminx balasan pown towk p bb wat bab bb wat ikhlas towk ween. bab bb terlampau sayang ween. but u never cared what i felt right.

  Last but not least, bb nak tekankan lagi skali, i don't have feelings towards jepun. she's like my other friends. not even a single drop of love. and ween ckp psl nak g UK. if u decide that to further ur studies i have no objection on that. but if u only decide that coz u wanna apart from me, so that u can frget bout me, think again. coz it's not gonna get urself better, but worse. 2 ja kowt bb nak gtaw. make a right decision. bye.

And oh, i almost forgot. i'll take u to the slide in subang right? and bungee jumping at Sunway. and of course the picnic thing ju the both of us. coz i promised u i'll take u there. it's juz that i'll need some time to work on that. coz u know why. i'm not working right now. i kinda have problems with my finances. so juz be patient k.

P/S : i'll always love u with all my heart and soul.

hadiah ANNIVERSARY mner? ! ? !

this time i post this because i want to remind my beloved sweetheart, DZURINA ZULKAFREE. ya. awk! ! !

awk ckp nak hadiahkan saya puzzle! ! !mnew? awk tipu ey? huhu. bler ween nak bagi bb hadiah bb 2? yang ween ckp ween dah bli 2. bler? xsabar ni. cptla. cptla. cptla.

tapi bb xksh pown sebenarnyer. yang penting ween. my greatest present was u, n still u up untill now. remember that, n don't ever forget it ok?

I'M SORRY ! ! ! AGAIN ! ! !

im sorry again baby. im really sorry. i btowl2 xtahan marah ari2. i geram sgt. u pown taw camner an. i jnis kuat meradang. sowi sgt sayang. i know, juz words won't be enough. tapi i xtaw napew i le jadi camni. i btowl2 kuat marah skang. xkre r ngan sesper pown. i'm really sorry.

Bad Week

it's been a while since i write anything here. sorry. the reason why i left this blog with no new post is because that it's been a really bad week 4 me last week.

mula2, kaki ak kner jahit bab men bola kat tepi kolam renang. mser ni ak kat umah makcik ak. sjer j nak g mandi kolam ngan cuz2 ak yang len. unfortunately, kaki ak tersepak mozek kat tepi kolam renang 2 mser ngah men bola. annyway it's my fault 4 my stupidity on playing football besides the swimming pool. hahaha.

after a few days, mser ak nak blek mlaker dari puchong, knonnyer nak blek kampung la ni, ak ble accident lak kat RnR pedas linggi. nak ckp accident twok xdla. ak terjatuh sendri. dahla motor bawu lak 2. mmg sdey gler la. it happens when i tried to make a stop at RnR pedas linggi. it was raining that day, n i wanna make a stop because it would be dangerous, yela, ngan hujan2 nak bwk mtor gak. x k naya. msuk j RnR pedas linggi 2, ader bumper depan ak. ak brek la, tapi mmg nseb ak, tayar blakang lari. ak jatuh. dahla jatuh, coverset mtor ak calar abes kowt. ngan lampu signal belah kanan pecah. pergh!!!

tapi xp lagi bab mtor 2 kalo skali tgk xdla nampak buruknyer. blek j mlaker ak spent tyme ngan family ak. spent tyme, spent tyme, ahad pown datang. ak nak blek puchong blek. ikotkan ati ak, malas ak nak blek puchong. tapi pikirkan pasal kjer, dahla pakcik ak yang tolong ak dapatkan kjer 2, xkan ak nak wat taik lak an, ak pown amek kputusan nak blek. my parents told me that i should ride to puchong before night falls. tapi mcm mner tah ak le terniat nak solat dlu. ak berenti la kat msjid kat pantai pu3. mesti kowg tertanyer2 naper ak tetber j ader at pantai pu3 sedangkan ak dowk at taman cempaka an??? ak g umah member ak dlu. abes lpak ngan member ak j, ak twos capai mtor blek puchong. tapi bawu kat highway alor gajah, ader kter musibat ni men buat u-turn j dpan ak. ak xsempat nak ngelak k p k, twos ak bantai bontot kter 2. bersepah ak jatuh. mmg kimak! ! !

nseb bek ak xd paper juz darah sana cni j r. ikutkan ati, nak j ak bangun blek kjar kter bangsat 2. tapi bab keadaan mtor ak xmengizinkan, ak baring j r kat jalan. nseb bek ader owg gak yang nak benti tolong ak, antakan ak kat hospital. kalo xmampos gak ak nak g hospital sndri.

Nak ckp Nak!!! bertapis2 lak ko. ckp j nak kan senang. hisy. pas2 nak tunjuk ego lagi 2.

nothing to post today. not in the mood right now.

Tebuan Hijau ! ! !

smalam g tgk green hornet ! ! ! ngan...DZURINA ZULKAFREE ! ! ! huhu. dpt jgk date ngan dyer. huhu. dyer cter at ak yang cter 2 lawak gler. tapi ak tgk beser2 j. dyer pown bknla glak sgt pown. huhu. tapi nak jager ati dyer nyer pasal, ak wat2 la glak. huhu. (jgn marah ya sayang). i juz want u 2 feel that i'll always happy when i'm around u. ni bkn nak amek ati k p k aw. i mmg happy gler dpt jmper u smlm. 1st bab u dpt kawal mrh u at i 2. jmper i j twos bagi snyuman menggoda u 2. it makes me feel that i'm the luckiest guy on earth to have such a gorgeous and understanding GF. i admit it. u r so strong. even stronger than me. huhu. n 2nd of all, dah lamer kter xdpt jmper, dting sesmer, n tgk movie sesmer. bab 2 i happy gler dpt jmper u smlm.

paperhal pown, sronok sgt dpt jmper dyer smlm. g tgk movie sesmer smlm. hurm. ngan u ngantok g, brg2 atas bahu i. igt manjer g2 i caer la? huhu. (paderhal dah jadi aer dah ni) huhu. n sweetheart, i xsempat nak gtaw u smlm. u look so cute. criously. bkn nak amek ati k p k. u mmg cute gler smlm. ngan dress u. ngan u pki topi i. awww. so cute. huhu. 

n yang psl u ckp about our feelings to each other will never change. u're wrong. they will change. bcoz... my feelings towards u become stronger each day. although i have been a complete jerk to u since the past few months. n i'm really sorry 4 that. i'm searching 4 my old me now. i do miss him. coz the old me will love u with all his heart. i'm not saying that the new me does not love u with all his heart, but the new me juz can't show u how much he loves u. n never 4get about how jerk he has been to u. n the old me will do something romantic juz to see u smile. the old me will never hurt u. n most importantly, u always enjoy being around the old me. i'm sorry honey. i will try my best to find the old me. 

PLZ HELP ME ON MY QUEST FINDING THE OLD ME OR SHOULD I SAY YOUR BB...

SPARKS???

sparks in relationship?? i admit it ween. i sndri pown raser bender yang sama. there's no sparks in our relationship. it's gone. juju i ckp, i pown rindu gler mser kter kat penang dlu. kter bergurau senda. glak sama2. i raser bahagia sgt tyme 2. terlampau gembira sampai i xle kalo xdpt jmper u walopown sesaat. i wanna be wif u every moment of my life. i really do. 

kekdg 2 i terpikir gak napew ble jadi camni. even me, myself can't find the answers. eventhough we can find the answers, but we can still bring the sparks back right? together. i hope we will. can you have the honour by joining me finding our sparks in our relationship back? i really miss the old days. 

mungkin salah i gak bab i xlayan u sgt. i'm really sorry. sbb 2 i nak u tolong i. tolong crikan blek pasaan i yang dah lama ilang 2. i xnak pasaan sayang i, ceria i, pasaan excited i ilang bler ngan u. i'm begging u plz 4give me n help me finding ur true BB.

remember this? i miss those days. it's like we juz met n we juz fall in love with each other everyday.

it's hard 4 me 2 say this but i'm sorry...

i taw u xle nak cayer at i lgsg. slh i gak. dlu, i'm such a jerk. but now, honestly, u're the only girl in my life. i lgsg xpndg pompuan laen pown. smpi 1 thp 2, smpi i dah xraser paper pown tgk pompuan cantek. criously. 

BECAUSE 4 ME, U'RE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL N GORGEOUS WOMEN I'VE EVER MET IN MY LIFE...

n i hope pasaan 2 akn kekal smpi bler2, which i know it will. i x minx u cayer at i. all i'm asking is that believe what u think is true. jgn dgr p owg len ckp. jgn percaya p yang u nmpk. i want u 2 believe in urself.

I'm SORRY ! ! !

I'm really sorry for saying such bad words to you. it's just that i'm really stressed for... evrything. with my foot that hurts real bad. with my lung condition. with my work. EVRYTHING. i btowl2 minx maap bab lpaskan stress i at u. i know that u really mad at me 4 being such a jerk to u. that's why i'm apologizing to u.

I'm really, really, really, sorry honey. plz 4give me. (tgh berlutut ni + pegang bunga. while making puppy face). can u 4give me? i juz can't think of a better way to apologize to you. coz  i've already made a really huge mistake,  by not realizing how much i've hurt you.

I'M SORRY....I'M SORRY....I'M SORRY ....